Hurricane Rita

[[AK]Nuts]

I recently read that they have classified Rita as being not only a Cat 5 hurricane but through modern sociometerological tests they have also identified the storm as being more racist than Katrina. Democratic National Committee members have formed a quick response think tank to enable the creation of a National Blame Policy. The think tank itself was formed, convened and disbanded after just two minutes of work. A copy of the policy has been forwarded to Howard Dean.

Louis Farrakhan, a once popular calypso singer, stated that the new storm, generated by George W. Bush's Weather Dominator (which he stole from Serpantor during a battle in the Arctic) has been specially modified to hate not only blacks but poor Hispanics. Farrakhan continued by stating that NOAA and the NWS were populated by "honky Jews that hate blacks."

Adulterer, Jesse Jackson, co-founder of the SHOVE foundation, was scheduled to meet with future 'evacuees' in the Galveston area but canceled his trip when he learned the 2003 Census data showed that Galveston County is 72% white.

Cindy Sheehan, who recently arrived in Washington D.C., blogged that George Bush needed to meet with her to discuss the 2005 Farmer's Almanac and when George was going to pull troops out of New Orleans. Cindy, a licensed idiotarian, has been dogging the President, demanding to know why her husband and family hate her.

On the lighter side, as Texans are legally required to own a pick-up truck (locally referred to as a 'pick-em-up truck'), the evacuation process is going smoothly. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has been asked to help coordinate the evacuation of the local Swap Meet being held at the deserted Galveston Shores Drive-In theater as his managements skills are best focused on groups of 25 or less. Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco has offered her assistance but states, "I'll be there as soon as the doctors have finished removing my head from my ass."

Texas Governor Rick Perry (brother to Luke & Steve) believes that no federal aide would be required in Texas as, "it's the states' responsibility to care for it's citizens... ain't nothing in the U.S. Constitution about providing flood insurance and what have you." Perry was seen heading toward Galveston in his Ford F350 armed with his custom crafted 1917 Enfield rifle to ensure that looters were properly dealt with. "We authorized law enforcement officers and ordinary citizens to shoot looters the last time Galveston was crippled by a Hurricane and gosh darn it, I want in on that kind of fun!"


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(man it's a slow day at work)