Holy crap - that's enough to bring tears to the eye!
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That was fricken hilarious.
"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries." - Winston Churchill
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Back when I used to actually have a home phone, I just told telemarketers that Ms. Grissom had passed away when they called. That kept them from calling back.
That, however, is SO much better! Awesomely funny...